Full of J.O.Y.

FYI:  Spiritual as well as very personal content follows.  Read at your own discretion.

If it is true, as David Young says in his book JOY, that "...the deeper the child of God is pulled down into earthly sorrow, the higher he will eventually spring up in heavenly joy" (189), then I gotta tell ya that that explains an awful lot.  I have times when I honestly feel so full of joy that the only place it could possibly from would be God Himself.  When I consider everything I've suffered in my life, it would be so easy to fall into a pool of despair and stay there.

Now, I don't want you thinking that I'm always full of joy and bubbly and experiencing the full joy of the Lord.  I do have days where I wonder how I'm going to move, let alone make it through the day.  I do have days where my "Heartache finds a bottom," but Praise the Lord, it isn't long until "joy rebounds" (189).

For the sake of those of you who don't know me:

1.  while I was pregnant with my first son, my left ovary and part of my fallopian tube had to be removed because of a growing cyst
2.  my first son was stillborn just two weeks before his due date in 1999
3.  that same year, I had a miscarriage
4.  during the delivery of my only living child, my heart rate shot up to over 202 beats/minute
5.  I had another miscarriage a few short years later
6.  in 2009, I ended up in the hospital with severe stomach pains--I was in and out of consciousness for a week--at the end of which the doctor had to do emergency surgery where I had an ostomy (the cause of the severe stomach pains was a severe infections from diverticulitis)
7.  3 months later, the doctor reversed that surgery--leaving me with 2 huge, ugly scars on my belly
8.  during all of this, my husband and I have continued to struggle in our marriage (still ongoing)
9.  my grandmother (Baba) died
10.  a year after my diverticulitis attack, I was back in the hospital having an ablation because I had polyps in my uterus--effectively cutting off any more chances for having more children, if that had been something I still wanted--I did.
11.  last year, my son experienced the worst thing a child can go through

So in case you want to know why I smile bigger than anyone you know....why I always say I'm "Peachie" when asked how I'm doing.....why I laugh louder than anyone else in the room....why I sing at the top of my lungs even though I can't carry a tune in a bucket.....why I hug everyone I can whenever I can and I hug with my WHOLE being.....why I love so passionately.....it's because I've been deeper than anyone deserves to go (I know I'm not the only one) but I know in whom I believe and in Him and through Him, I live and move and have my being.  He has truly turned my mourning into dancing--into joy.

I will NOT apologize for experiencing the full JOY of the Lord.  I've asked Him to anoint me with the "oil of Joy" more than anyone else (Psalm 45:7 and Hebrews 1:9).  And He has answered my prayer.

JUMOY!

I only have one other comment about David Young's book and that is about the chapter where he brings up "Pollyanna."  You see, my name is Polly Anna, so I always pay closer attention when I see my name in print like that.  The problem is that he brings up being "Pollyanna-ish," but he doesn't explain whether his discussion of being a "Pollyanna" is a positive thing or a negative thing.  I just want to say that the real Pollyanna in the wonderful book of the same name by Eleanor H. Porter is a wonderful young woman who, with her dad, invents the "Glad Game" where they try to find something to be glad about even in the worst of situations.

If that's me--and it is, then I proudly say that I AM POLLY ANNA.....and I am GLAD that I am alive and full of the Joy of the Lord!

Hallelujah!

I love journaling!

Mari McCarthy's PEACE OF MIND AND BODY:  27 DAYS OF JOURNALING TO HEALTH AND HAPPINESS has been very good for me as was the grief journal I completed prior to doing this one.  I have discovered some things about myself that I wasn't aware of--or at least not fully conscious of.  I still have some work to do , of course.  I've also been able to put some things into words that I must have thought, but hadn't taken them any further.

I plan on sharing some of my journal entries with my counselors.

I don't do a lot of journaling with guided prompts--I typically already have my own thoughts to write about.  But when I do use guided topics, I've usually found to be great at helping me discover things about myself that I'm not aware of until it comes out in my journal.

From here, I'm going to begin--probably--the journaling Manifesto (also by Mari).  I also have the 53-week one by Mari to work on, but I think I'll wait to begin that one after our trip to Disney next week.

Of course, I'll also continue doing my Night Notes!

Katniss....not so smart

This is difficult....how do I say I "like" a book, CATCHING FIRE by Suzanne Collins, where children are killing each other?  And it's SANCTIONED?!  Yet, I found myself anxious to get to each page....I just couldn't put the book down.  And I've already started the final book in the Trilogy.  I have so much else I need to be doing, but all I want to do is sit down and read MOCKINGJAY!!!!

Of course, it is a little annoying that Katniss can't seem to figure out whether she loves Gale or Peeta, but I keep trying to remember that she's just 17 years old.  Even adults, though, often have a hard time figuring out their feelings.  Just look at Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler!!!

First read:  March 1-3, 2012

I can't help noticing how not-so-smart Katniss is during this 2nd reading.  Sure, she figures out certain things based on the gifts Haymitch sends--or doesn't send--to her in the arena.  But she doesn't realize that there are quite a few people doing everything in their power to keep her and Peeta alive during the Quarter Quell.  She tends to act first and think second.

She becomes the symbol of revolution, the mockingjay, without doing anything but serve her purposes.  Even in the first book, eating the berries wasn't so much a defiant act against the capital as it was a chance to keep Peeta alive because it benefits HER--even though she has no idea how she really feels about Peeta--yet she can't seem to live without him.

I realize that she's just 16/17 years old in these books, but even a young woman at her age isn't always THIS confused....or are teenagers at that age almost always THAT confused???  Maybe I've been "old" for longer than I think.....????

Positive thinking

After reading Tommy Newberry's THE 4:8 PRINCIPLE, it was an easy transition to read 40 DAYS TO A JOY-FILLED LIFE: LIVING THE 4:9 PRINCIPLE.  As the title says, the reader is supposed to read the book one chapter a day at a time, which I did.  I liked reading a book that way.  Rick Warren's THE PURPOSE-DRIVING LIFE is done like that, too.  It helps me absorb what I've read to read just a little bit every day.

Newberry's book is not just a book; it's also a workbook.  More than anything, it helps me focus on things that are lovely, just, of good report, and so on.  After going through some really rough patches here recently, I needed to change my focus of thinking.  I'm not all the way THERE as far as keeping my thoughts 4:8 focused (that's Philippians 4:8, in case you don't know), but at least I know I'm making progress and that Newberry's book has helped me with that!

Hungry?

I started re-reading THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins in part because I want to read all three books in the series again before CATCHING FIRE comes out in the theater later this year.  I also started re-reading it because Samuel decided he wanted to read it--for the first time.  I was surprised that he wanted to read it, but I didn't fight it.  He is 12 and, based on what I understand about the intended audience for the series, he's at the perfect age to read it.  I like to know what he's reading, though.  If I hadn't read it before, I would now.  As it is, this time I'm reading it partly for me and partly so I can talk to him about it.  Since he saw the first movie, though, he doesn't have too many questions or comments about it.

I have to say that this is NOT an easy book (series) to read.  It's violent.  It's filled with sadness and death.  One of my favorite characters is drunk more often than not.  Another of my favorite characters becomes a drug addict as the series progresses.  There's romance.  There's even a love triangle.  A girl who's confused.  Two boys who each knows exactly what he wants:  the same girl.  There are family dynamics.  And, everyone's favorite, politics.

What's not to love???

Yeah.  I think that as long as we read stories like this with the reminder that it only takes one person to make a difference--to encourage change, then THE HUNGER GAMES (and the whole series) is amazing and should be read by all.  But if we're reading it because it's bloody, gory, and violent--then we need to stand back and re-evaluate our priorities.

*first read THE HUNGER GAMES, February 27, 2012

Morning Pages...?!

In THE MIRACLE OF THE MORNING PAGES JOURNAL, Julia Camera answers some of the most commonly asked questions about her famous "Morning Pages."  I was able to zip through the book in just a little more than an hour, so it's a nice, quick, easy read.

I have known about Morning Pages for several years now and I've gone through periods of time, mostly in the summer months, when I've done them consistently.  But I haven't been able to keep them going.

Why?

Because I'm just not a morning person.  Once I get up, I have to get my son ready for school as well as myself.  I sleep until the last possible second.  I really hate getting up early.  I am NOT a morning person.

I do agree with Julia Cameron's premise of the Morning Pages.  She makes a lot of sense and I do agree that when I did them, great things happened.  Everything Cameron talks about in explaining Morning Pages makes perfect sense and I want to get started writing Morning Pages, again, every single day.

But there's that nagging fact that I'm just NOT a morning person.

One thing that kind of bothers me a little about Cameron's thorough discussion of the Morning Pages is that over and over again she states that "there are no rules" to Morning Pages.  Yet, she states several rules within her question/answer session in this book:  it must be 3 pages--no more or less; it must be long-hand; an 8-1/2 x 11-sized notebook must be used (yet she doesn't specify wide or college-ruled); and, most importantly, they must be written in the Morning, first thing.

In theory, I agree wholeheartedly with everything Cameron says about doing Morning Pages in the morning.  She makes perfect sense when she talks about how at the beginning of the day, we have a blank slate--nothing has happened yet, but anything can happen--we can CHANGE our future because we're purposeful about it.  But if we write at night, we're writing about what's already happened and what can't change.

I wish it wasn't just theory for me.  I WANT to do Morning Pages in the morning.  But apparently I don't want to do them bad enough.....

My most favorite book--ever

I LOVE Olive Ann Burns' COLD SASSY TREE.  I read it for the first time back in the late eighties/early nineties and loved it even then.  My first reading was because my brother brought the book home during a weekend home from his first semester at college so I could read it for him for his freshman composition class.  I was happy to do it.  This is THE best book!!!

How does anyone not love this book?  It has someone being run over by a train--and living.  Romance.  An older man getting married to a much younger woman just 3 weeks after the death of his first wife.  Suicide.  (Not that suicide makes a story great.  It's just the way it's dealt with.)  A "funeral party."  Dyin' stories, because Grandma was the best in the county at telling 'em.  It's set in the south with southern slang.  It's set in 1906--when cars were first being introduced to the mass public.  It's told from the perspective of a 15-year old boy.

And it was written by an amazing woman who should have lived long enough to write more!  She started a sequel to COLD SASSY, but she died before she finished it.  Ovarian cancer, I think it was.  I find Burns' writing process to be just as fascinating as the book itself--she would get an idea and write it on whatever piece of paper she could get her hands on--napkins, receipts, corners of notes, etc.--then she would sit on her bed with all of her scraps of paper around her and work on putting them together to create a cohesive whole.

I, for one, believe that she was quite successful in her attempt.  I LOVE COLD SASSY TREE......Everyone should read it, truly.