From Dislike to Like

First of all, it normally doesn't take me a whole month and then some to read a book like this. I honestly began Jessica Knoll's LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE absolutely hating the main character, TifAni. She is, in the first few chapters of the novel, a true first-rate biddy. I disliked her character so much, I honestly wondered if I would ever finish reading the book. She is raunchy, rude, disrespectful, and obviously marrying Luke for all the wrong reasons. 

So what brought me back to the book, ultimately, so I finished it? 
     1. I hate leaving books unfinished. I've only done that a few times in my life and it always makes me feel bad when I do.
     2. A very good friend told me that I need to keep reading because it does get better. Her words kept resounding in my head whenever I looked at the book and I knew I would finish reading it. 
     3. I knew that at the center of the story, TifAni had been gang-raped. I had read an article prior to my ever even purchasing the book where Jessica Knoll discussed the fact that the book was, in part, based on her real-life experience of having been gang-raped in high school. As much as I couldn't stand TifAni in the beginning, I wondered if she had come to the place of being such a biddy because she had never dealt with or coped with what had happened to her.

I will tell you honestly that LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE is NOT an easy book to read. The language can be offensive at times--as a Christian, I just cringe at foul language--and the descriptions of sexual acts are detailed enough to make me blush furiously even though I read the book when I was alone. So if you choose to read it, just go in with your eyes wide open.

I do not regret finishing this book at all. While TifAni never really "redeems" herself as a biddy character for me, I did come to a place of understanding TifAni--as much as is possible for someone who has never been through the same experience. What I do understand, completely, is "that moving on doesn't mean never talking about it, never crying about it" (336). 

Trauma of any kind changes a person. The world around us has difficulty dealing with our trauma, but what the world around us doesn't seem to understand is that dealing with our trauma is a thousand times more difficult for us---the ones personally affected by the trauma. Just because I smile, laugh, sing, and live a life of joy as much as I am able does not mean that I have gotten over or will ever get over my trauma of losing 3 babies as well as the trauma of almost dying. It is a daily CHOICE to move forward and live life to the best of my ability, doing the best I can with each day, each difficulty, as it comes.

So thank you, Jessica Knoll, for writing a book that brings such a truth into the light and opens the door for conversations to happen as a result.....