Choices of Steel Magnolias

I don't even know where to begin when it comes to writing about Kristin Hannah's THE NIGHTINGALE. I knew going in to the read that it is a book about WW2 and that it would be a difficult read. What I didn't know was just how INTENSE (thanks, mom) it would be. I have always found war stories (movies, in particular) difficult to read or watch. I have only recently made it all the way through SAVING PRIVATE RYAN and I only did that because my son wanted to watch it. I feel it is important for us as parents to watch such movies with our kids, so in spite of my own reservations, I "watched" it with him. (More like--was at least in the same room while the movie was on.) I made it through the movie, but it helped because my son and I talked about it periodically.

THE NIGHTINGALE is as intense--if not more so because, while it's definitely difficult enough to read and watch war stories about men, it is a true shock to the system to have a war story be about women. I don't want to lessen in any way the horrors of war in any regard for any individual. I am simply saying that we typically see and read war stories about men and/or through the perspective of men, so reading it about women through their perspectives is quite powerful and, well, Intense.

I thought an awful lot about STEEL MAGNOLIAS throughout my reading of THE NIGHTINGALE. Of how women are beautiful, sweet, gentle, lovely like Magnolia blossoms. But yet we have hearts and souls of steel. This story is a powerful representation of such women. I don't know which sister I love more: Isabelle or Vianne. Each fights this war in her own way and each proves to be a true NIGHTINGALE--a force to be reckoned with. When the soldier billeting with (that just means living with) Vianne is killed, because of the way he is killed, it is impossible to tell which sister actually gives the devastating, killing blow. That is a perfect example of how deeply intertwined these sisters are--their lives, their hearts--their very souls.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, be sure that you have a box of tissues when you read Kristin Hannah's THE NIGHTINGALE. In spite of the fact that it is an intense read that rips your heart out, it is well worth the read. It is important for us down throughout history to "see" the horrors of war--and not JUST through the eyes of men and certainly not just through the eyes of some textbook written by the so-called "winners." We tend to romanticize the horrors of war into some epic love story; there is NO romance to war--only HORROR.

And the CHOICES each sister makes--must make--for survival--not just for herself, but her family, friends, children, and loved ones. Choices. Impossible Choices. Unspeakable Choices. Choices removed but yet still leaving them with the horror of choosing. Choices.

I will continue to CHOOSE JOY

Reading CHOOSE JOY by Sara Frankl made me wish I had known "Gitzy" while she was still alive. She sounds like an incredibly amazing woman who was "of the race of Joseph." I just know that we would have become fast, forever friends. My heart aches as I read about all the physical struggles she dealt with in her short life, but yet not only did she hold fast to her faith, but she continually--in spite of incredible pain--CHOSE JOY. Wow.

As someone who struggles on a daily basis to find things to be joyful about because of the trials I have been through, reading Sara's story demonstrates that CHOOSING JOY is not easy--it definitely is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment choice we MUST make. Sara knew that allowing herself to wallow in self-pity would only make her pain worse than it already was--and according to her story, it was more severe than most of us can possibly imagine.

I continually struggle with depression and its ugly deception of comfort, but like Sara, I know that allowing myself to stay in that state of depression (in other words, NOT CHOOSE JOY) is worse than living with the pain and CHOOSING JOY regardless.

It is wonderful that even a few years after her death, Sara's life and words continue to make a difference. I hope and pray that others meet her, as well, and come to know that true living, finishing the race, comes only from daily CHOOSING JOY in spite of....

The Terrible-Awful-Wonderful Book

Nicholas Sparks, I have a love/hate relationship with your books.  I hate so much the body-shaking, soul-deep, heart-wrenching sobs that wrack my body when I read your books.  I hate crying like that.  A few tears trickling down my cheek is one thing, but to SOB like that....man, there are only so many tissues in this world to hold not only my tears, but my snot.  UGH!

Yet, your stories are sweet, gentle, loving and remind me that even when things are at their worst, LOVE is still important in our every day lives.  We all want (dream of having or hope to have one day) the kind of love that you write about in your books, and THE CHOICE is no different.

I love the story of Travis and Gabby.  I see how it parallels the love story in THE NOTEBOOK, but yet it is still completely its own beautiful, wonderful, terrible, awful love story.  I also see a little bit of Gayle Forman's IF I STAY; ok, a lot of it.  Of course, THE CHOICE is told through the point of view of the male while IF I STAY is told through the point of view of the female who is actually in the coma, the fact remains that both stories deal with the power of love in the midst of horrific tragedies that result in the females being in a coma.

Beautiful.  Wonderful.  Terrible.  Awful.  Horrible.  Powerful.  Worth reading.  And, yes, I read the whole thing in one day, of course.  Thanks, Victoria Fullbright, for recommending this terrible-awful-wonderful book!!!!

So much can change in JUST ONE YEAR

Completely fulfilling.  Wonderful.  Amazing.  Gayle Forman, you just keep outdoing yourself from one book to the next!  I just could NOT put JUST ONE YEAR down!  And now that I'm finished with that one, I'm going to read all of JUST ONE NIGHT tonight!

I love reading Willem's story.  It's so sad, yet so wonderful.  This series is a wonderful testament to the power that even one moment in time can and does have on us as well as the power of CHOICE mixed with fate/destiny.

In some ways, I wish the books were written as one so I could read the chapter where Allyson is in Mexico

on the beach at the exact same time that Willem is in Mexico on the same beach, yet still so far apart.  I not only SEE the two of them in the same place but missing one another by "that much," but more importantly, I FEEL it.  And I know that meeting in Mexico is not the right time or place, but that it WILL happen for the two of them.

It's so wonderful how each of them finds him/herself on their journey to find each other again.  It's beautiful how you tell the story of these smart, yet in some ways very insecure and thus stupid, young people who learn that there is more to life than letting life take you where it will.  Sometimes, we have to take life by the horns for ourselves and make our own CHOICES and see what happens as a result rather than letting things happen to us or because of the choices others make for us.

I also love how Willem learns so much more about himself and his family on his journey to find "Lulu."  He learns truth and is able to have powerful, wonderful relationships with the people around him who have always loved him.  Because he was always running, he never knew how much.

I LOVE the way you write, Gayle Forman.  I can't wait to read the next book and everything else you've every written!!!!  As well as anything and everything you write in the future!!!!!!!!!

Why I am Choosing to do NaNoWriMo: 2013

So I’ve decided that I’m going to do NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month—writing 50K words in 30 days) again this year.  I’ve been involved with NaNo one way or another since about 2004.  I have not won (successfully written 50K words in 30 days) every year, but I have won about four times.  Very few people will ever read the full manuscripts for any of the years I attempted NaNo, whether it be the years I won or otherwise.  They simply are not audience-worthy.

 

They were fun to write and I did share parts of them with others, but as a whole entity, the manuscripts will stay “hidden” on my laptop.

I have not yet once revised a single manuscript over the years, not even for the novels I really enjoyed writing and feel could possibly one day be publishing-worthy.  Last year’s novel was more fun to write than I can possibly describe—it’s about a serial-killing teacher (based loosely on me) who kills (with arsenic, mostly) and buries her students under her desk in her office, but even as much fun as it was to write, I can’t help but wonder what kind of reaction I’d get from an audience who doesn’t know me.  When I mentioned it to my son’s counselor during a counseling session, she looked at me very ODD and gave me that, “WTF?!” look.

Yeah.  I can live without that.

NaNo is a lot of fun for me regardless of whether I have as much fun writing the novel as I did last year simply because I LOVE to write.  When I have something to say, 2k words a day is nothing. 

The hardest part about NaNo—beyond Revision and/or preparation for publication—is finding the TIME to do it.  While I try to write every day in my journal, when I am really very busy, my journal, sadly, is the thing that suffers.  I might still write in my journal, but my word count will more than likely be far from my daily quota (750 words).  I just have a LOT going on:

1.  I am a Mom to a 12-year old in 7^th grade—Middle School (I don’t think I need to explain!)

2.  I am a wife to a Pastor (20 years!)

3.  I teach English full time at a community college—that’s 6 classes (average) per semester with 125 students (average) per semester—you can do the math when every class write a 2-3 page essay and I have to grade them….

4.  This semester (Fall 2013), I am also taking a class online through UNC-Chapel Hill’s Friday Center—English 121:  British Literature, 19^th to Early 20^th Century (you know what’s involved in taking a class online)

5.  I am on the board for NC CEI (North Carolina Conference of English Instructors) and we have a conference this weekend (just prior to the start of NaNo) and I am presenting—board meetings once every quarter

6.  I am the Lead (I don’t know what else to call it) for setting up an opportunity for my college to participate in World Book Night—an opportunity to give away books!!!!  I have to write a proposal and complete all the documentation, etc. to set up my college as a Group Giver—organize the event—take care of receiving and distributing the books to the Givers, etc., etc., etc. (I’m doing this because I WANT to!)

7.  Because I’ve had a lot of health problems, I have various doctors’ appointments every few weeks.

And I hope it goes without saying that there are also all the regular day-to-day activities that must be taken care of as well as attempting at least somewhat of a social life in order to function at any level of intelligibility!

I’ve had many people ask me how I have time to read, let alone half of the other things that I have to do—want to do—need to do. 

My answer?

We tend to do whatever it is that we REALLY want to do. 

When I don’t REALLY want to do something, I don’t do it—whether that be doing the dishes, grading papers, or just going to school.  (We all need a “Mental Health Day” every once in a while!)

But when I REALLY do want to do something, I find a way to do it.  I find the TIME to do it.  If my sleep suffers, so be it.  I make it up during my afternoon catnap or with a large soft drink or coffee! 

NaNo has not made me a successful, published writer—yet, but I thoroughly enjoy participating in the challenge to write 50K words in one month.  I have yet to do Camp NaNo; once a year is all I can afford at this time.  But I keep signing up for it!  I have no idea if I am going to be able to win NaNo this year or even if I’ll make it beyond 50K words, but I am going to give it the old college-try and hope for the best.

In my heart, in spite of how very busy I am, I feel that this is MY year not only to win, but also to write something that will be worthy of revising and eventually publishing!  How will I know if I don’t at least give it a shot?

Here’s to NaNaWriMo!!!!!

Polly's Reasons for Choosing L-I-F-E

http://www.thirteenreasonswhy.com/index.php

Last week, a previous student sent me a link for Jay Asher's book 13 Reasons Why, telling me that she thought I'd like it.  Of course, after reading through the link she sent me, I went to Barnes&Noble.com and had the book set up for me to pick it up after my classes that day.  I started it immediately.  I would have finished it in less than two days except for the fact that I went on a family vacation the day after buying the book, so I didn't have as much reading time as normal.  But the first day I was back home in Taylorsville, I finished it.

It was worth staying up a little late to finish.

This is a very difficult book to read, but honestly, it should be required reading for everyone.  While the main character is explaining her reasons why she has chosen to end her life, that's not the main focus of the novel, I don't think.  I think the most important point/lesson to take away from the novel is the Snowball Effect--how we all affect one another's lives in ways we never even realize.  Hannah Baker shares her story in a way that makes me cringe as I think about all the people I have come in to contact with--and as I wonder if I have ever added to someone's hurt, or even been the one to start someone's pain.

It's quite an eye-opening book to read.  I have always recognized the fact that we influence people every single day.  John Maxwell talks about it in on one of his books (I'm sorry I can't remember which one one right at this moment).  He shares a very specific statistic about how even introverts influence/affect several thousand people.  Considering the fact that I am not an introvert, it's important to note that I can, do, and have influence[d] quite a few thousand people.....Wow.

Have I influenced those few thousand people positively or negatively?  I hope mostly positively.  I hope and pray that even the ones who I have influenced negatively, it wasn't TOO BAD......As an English Instructor, I know I've had students who didn't really like me or care for my teaching style (I had one just last week, as a matter of fact).  I realize that.  I don't think that means I'm a bad teacher.  I believe that every single teacher I've ever met has these experiences.  I hear great things about my co-workers, and I hear things that make even my toes curl about those same co-workers.  If students are talking about other instructors, I know they're talking about me the same.

I can live with that.  I can live with the fact that some of my students are not going to have the greatest experience of their lives in my classroom.  If every student who walked in the doors of my classroom loved me completely (as a teacher, I mean), then I don't think I'd be doing my job right.  Not every one is going to click with my teaching style or my personality.  That's ok.  The important thing is that the students who do stick it out with me learn--that they learn that reading and writing is not the worst subject on the planet!

Considering the number of students who write me later and tell me about how they got in to medical school, or earned scholarships, or have successfully finished college a 4-year universities, in part, because of my helping them learn to write better, I can live with the handful of students who wish they'd never sat in my classroom.

On a happier note, I thought I'd take Hannah's 13 reasons why she decided to end her life and write a few reasons why I CHOOSE L-I-F-E:

1.  My son, Samuel.  He truly is the light of my life.  I LOVE being a Mom to him.  He is such a wonderful blessing.  I would love to have all of my precious children (there should be 4 all together), but since I only have Samuel, I appreciate him that much more.


2.  My Family:  Mom (Rosanne/Posy), Dad (Ken), my sister (Katie), my brother (Kenny), my sister-in-law (Kella), my brother-in-law (Wally), my uncle (Joel/Jolly to me), my niece (Ellen), my nephews (Scott and Nate), my brother and sister-in-laws on my husband's side of the family (there are 12 siblings all together so I'm not going to try to list all their names here!), and of course my husband (James).  I love my family very much.  Even though I only get to see them a few times a year in short bursts, they are very important to me and I would not be here without them.  Literally.  I've almost died a few times in my life.  My dad rescued me when I almost drowned.  My brother rescued me when I choked on a piece of meat.  And of course, everyone was there with me through my recent illnesses/surgeries.  (See previous blogs for more information about those.)

3.  My church family:  Jana, Brian, Devon, Brandi, Blake, Brandon, Kristi, Jon, Adam, Jessica, Caitlin, Jack, Michelle, Mamaw Jean, Nikki, Dante, Susan, David, Lucy, Jason, Hillary, Jacob, Krista, Angela, Paul, Kendra, Anthony, James, and Ashley.  I love my church family so very much.  They make going to church so much fun and enjoyable.  I love spending time with them inside the walls of the church and outside the walls of the church.  They are just a FUN bunch and I have come to love them as much as I do my very own biological family.

4.  My job.  I LOVE teaching.  I believe it is the gift God has given me.  I feel the most complete when I am in a classroom teaching--English (writing/reading).  I have had migraines--bad enough that in my office before class, I've had the lights off and I was lying on the floor trying to rest and get rid of the migraine--when I've walked into classes, but as soon as I step in to the classroom and begin teaching, I don't even feel the migraine any more.  (Of course, as soon as class was over, it was back and I've had to force myself to hold it together while I've driven home, but you get my point.)  Truly, teaching [English] is the greatest natural high in the world.  It is a wonderful reminder that everyone should do what he/she has been gifted to do!!!  It's not about the money at all.  It's about doing what I was meant to do with my life....!  And I honestly and truly do love it!  I've been asked before what I would do if I wasn't teaching and other than writing (which I already do on the side), the only other thing I would do is....well, teaching something else!  I'd rather teach English, but if I don't get to teach English, I'd still be teaching SOMETHING!!!!

5.  (These reasons for choosing L-I-F-E are in no particular order, btw.)  My hobbies.  I honestly love scrapbooking, reading, writing (blogging, too!), watching movies, and playing my piano (even though I play it maybe only once a year, I still love playing it).  I have so much fun with each of these activities!  Every time I scrapbook, I can't wait to see how the next page is going to turn out!  I love showing off my scrapbooks and having people ooh and aah over them!  (I love looking at yours, too!!!!  Just so you know!)  Every time I pick up a new book, it's as amazing as the first time I picked up a book.  Reading is just so awesome!!!  (As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I've started having the subtitles when I watch movies, so now I get to combine two of my favorite activities in one!!!  JUMOY!)  Of course, in case you haven't noticed, my whole blog is focused on my reading!!!!

Writing?!  Oh my.  I should have a book published by now with all the writing I do.  Not only do I keep this blog, but I journal--a LOT.  I've filled notebook after notebook after notebook with journaling.  I now have an online journal, but quite often, I just love the feel of the pen/pencil in my hand, so I still hand write a lot of my journal entries!!!  It doesn't matter the topic; I just HAVE to write SOMETHING!!!

Watching movies?  People sometimes ask me how I can watch the same movie over and over and over again (or read the same book multiple times).  I have no real answer to that except for the fact that I just love them!  Every time I watch a movie again, I see something I didn't see before!  Since I love musicals, it's the same as listening to an album or song multiple times.  No one questions listening to the same song over and over and over again (sometimes back to back, but you know what I mean), so why should anyone question me when it comes to watching movies (or reading books) multiple times?!

Playing the piano.  I'm not that good at it, but I DO love to play.  I can play for an hour and not even realize that a whole hour has gone by.  (It's actually the same for all my hobbies, not just playing the piano!)  Why don't I do it more often if I enjoy playing it so much?  Lazy.  Pure and simply laziness.  Maybe while both James and Samuel are gone this summer I'll get back to playing it several times a week......

6.  Life is just so much fun!!!  Just this past weekend my family (minus a few family members, unfortunately) went to King's Dominion for the weekend!  It was so awesome!  My 10-year old son was able to all but one roller coaster for the first time!!!  He looked so scared on most of the rides, but also very determined.  If his Cousin Nate was going to ride something, then he was going to ride.  It was so awesome watching him and his expressions as he rode several roller coasters over and over again!!!

Plus, I was with my family!  And I got to be with my own Dad on Father's Day!  Since I live 4 hours away, that doesn't happen every year.  We've gone to Virginia Beach together and all of us stayed in a rental house together for a whole week!  And we had a great time!!!  We've all stayed in the same cabin together for a mountain trip over New Year's.  We love getting together and spending time together for holidays.

Besides all of these wonderful family activities, each day brings something new and exciting for me to learn and explore!  New books to read!  New movies to watch!  New people to meet!  New experiences as a teacher!  New pages to scrapbook!  I could just JUMOY all over the place because life is so AWESOME!!!

(Don't get me wrong now.  I've had bad and sad days.  I've been so depressed that I've had thoughts similar to Hannah's.  I've even thought about how I'd do it--put the car in a closed garage.  I've imagined taking a knife to my belly after my last miscarriage.  I'm not saying I don't understand where Hannah is coming from.  Sadly, I do--too much.  But, as Hannah says towards the end of the book about her ending her life being her decision, I choose L-I-F-E.....)

7.  (This one has religious content, so if you want to stop here, I understand.)  I'll go down a little so if you don't want to read it, it's far enough down that you shouldn't have to.















 One of the best reasons for choosing L-I-F-E is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I know that when times are tough or really bad for me, or when I'm feeling my lowest and having low-self-esteem days that there is ONE who loves me so very much that He died so that I might have this life of mine.  I love Him so much for what He has done for me that I don't want to disrespect Him by not enjoying this life He's given me an opportunity to live.  Besides, His word says that He came, lived, and died that not only might I live (have life), but have it more abundantly!!!!  I want to be able to spend eternity with my precious Savior in Heaven, so I'm going to do my best to live my life in a manner that I hope and pray He will be pleased with.

As a believer, I also believe that my "lost" children are in Heaven waiting with Jesus for me.  I want to be sure that I get to spend eternity with them.  I didn't have but a very short time to be with them here on this earth (James Isaac died at 9 months in utero and both Panya Ruth and Anna Rose died at 11 weeks in utero), so I want to be sure that I finally get to spend time with them!!!! 

Life is definitely worth the living just because my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ Lives!  I truly can face tomorrow because I know He lives!!!!!




Hannah Baker in the book 13 Reasons Why chose to end her life.  After reading her story, my heart breaks for her.  I wish someone would have made her feel special, loved, important.  It is so very sad that even one person goes through not knowing if he/she is special, loved, or important to others.  If I had been in Hannah's shoes, I might have followed through, too.  As she talks about after going to see Mr. Porter, he's heard her say that she plans on ending her life, but she's obviously not important enough for him to follow her out of his office and take her back so they could figure something out or for him to take her to someone who might have helped her.  The important thing to note is that after she told him what she was going to do, Mr. Porter never should have let Hannah leave his office.  The fact that he did makes him even more guilty than even those who hurt Hannah.  He is the adult--the teacher--the school counselor.  If anyone should have known not to let someone who even mentions suicide out of his/her sight, it should have been Mr. Porter. 

Does that mean that blame Mr. Porter, then?  No, I don't.  Hannah made her choice.  The truth is, each individual has to find the strength within him/herself to keep putting one foot in front of another.  When we have Christ is our hearts, it helps.  We always have a choice.  Hannah made hers; I've made mine.....